i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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