ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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