We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
