I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
