Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
