I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize