Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
