i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
