GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
