By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
