I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
