I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
