I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my poor anus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
