If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
