you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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