That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
