1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
