i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
