it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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