Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
