I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
God I need to hump something, right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
