btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
