it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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