his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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