honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
