Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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