you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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