he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
40s are totally the cure
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
