it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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