i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
