I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
