it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
