So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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