woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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