alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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