I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
