he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
