I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
