Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
