I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
