there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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