I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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