I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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