i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
