So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
