They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
