You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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