loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
