WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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