I bet he comes in French.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
