You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
