I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Send help, water and tortillas.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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