At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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