There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
