like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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