1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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