then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize