im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
