I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
