fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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