1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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