I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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