It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
