I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize