There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
