i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
