he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
